Meteor Shower

Last week, I ran away. Surfing through the names that walked by my life 5 years ago, I can't help but feeling like I'm the only one who hasn't really left the last step as I'm still getting all the thrill and adrenaline rush for the college admissions seasons. During the past one year, it is true that I met a countless number of wonderful people, dazzled through a bunch of risks, and took into myself a tremendous amount of pressure.  I was never in finance but this amount of stress was more than consulting in Singapore and much more than my previous investment post in Vietnam.

One young girl kindly told me: Poor you that you have to be here - I pity you so much for that. Walls of expectations and worries have been what I burst into.  Ironically, I have nothing of my own to burst into; only expectations and worries from others stress me out and everytime I clashed with them, it hurt that I allowed myself to clash.  My expectation has been to always meet or surpass others' expectations.

Yet, the highest moments I've received are those of achievements.  It's those times when you feel temporarily satisfied, before quickly checking in with your gut about the "So what's next" question.  What I'm really dreaming for are moments of happiness.  It's when there's no sense of time and of self.  It's when there's no What's next, only now.  For that, I've been chasing after things that I thought would be stable and reliable in both positive and destructive ways.  There was only one short moment when I, by chance, stumbled upon something very similar to what I've always been looking for.

As the next meteor shower comes, may my wish come true.  May my new year resolution be that to make myself happy, not to meet others' expectations.

Would this mean I need to be by myself for a short while, to have all the freedom, no obligations of expectations, all over again?  Luckily, the holiday is coming.