Power, Money, Love, Ideals, and Life frames

- You know why you should advocate for U.S. colleges over other countries? Because it's where kids can be asked to dream and have both the freedom and the social pressure to dream and pursue one's dream.

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The Singapore and U.K. education frame students' purpose around making it to the top of the corporate ladder, and hence, valuing money.  The Australian education teaches students specific vocations, valuing stable life.  The Vietnamese education separates professors from students, which makes students have nothing more exciting to do than to bond with each other more and hence, to value love.  And here I am, indoctrinated by the habit to ask why, wonder about life's purpose, like a black sheep in these circles when talking about "dreams." 

I recently find myself at odds with the circle I'm familiar with as well.  These people I know, inspired by their U.S. education and understanding so well their own life reasons, are pursuing their dreams, ambitious, worth-pursuing.  Some others make do with what they need to live first, money and family.  Some take advantage of the time and the skills to become, step by step, more powerful.  When the pieces are arranged together, the attractive picture of various impacts and happy lives shimmers.  On the pessimistic frame, it looks as though some dreams have been left behind for new dreams and the realistic life to take the lead.  On the optimistic frame, maybe it was just a hole in the U.S. college education: one should not strive for individual impacts or for becoming heroes, because in reality, the collective impacts of a generation and how those interact with external forces of the society they live in should worth more than any particular case.

When I get depressed and put on my pessimistic frame, I could be so sarcastic of people, even though they do nothing wrong or bad, and being sarcastic of them means being sarcastic of my own self.  When I put on my optimistic frame, I have to turn off my impatient desires for answers and angst for knowing the future.  When I couldn't care more about anything and stay with my under-twenty personality, it feels like a kid, so optimistic, moving on, playing, smiling.  Sometimes, it feels sad having such a messy soul, as it makes sharing too challenging.

Adjusting our life

Adjustment Bureau is ok although philosophically speaking, it can go much deeper than just quick-and-simple lines about destiny and free will.  And there the can-change can-do American spirit, as humble as it is trying to be when talking about all the man-made wars all based on free will and the perpetual search for self-interest benefits, still remains forever strong with the ending.  Is there a deeper plot when the original novel's author wants to elude about God's intention to test human beings and to let them have a say and be a part of their own lives?  And there is a "protecting angel" who might come in any form as well?  Is there something more thought-provoking to think about the choice of risking everything, the usual comfortable route - "on the way" to be a great dancer, a successful politician, a president - to select the non-beaten track of to pursuing love and letting love complete the rest?  Power - Money - Love - the triad competing interests and options that makes the analytical mind weighs.

A soft and sweet song to the "hopelessly romantic" catered to the Western-raised consumers, the movie makes me think about how in Eastern novels or folklore, those who don't listen to the Gods' words, end up being separated from each other or having to suffer from limitless pain as they live their love and their life (Nguu Lang - Chuc Nu, Truyet thuyet Lieu Trai). 

Off-topic: the Plan Book in this movie is so detailed and precise, so different from the typical general La so tu vi that many Vietnamese usually read and "adjust" their lives accordingly =p

because small things matter

:)

Mobility

(Semi-Fiction...) 

Mobility

The wind permeates her face, blowing her hair towards one direction. Usually afraid of the cold and covering herself in thick jackets, she rolls over her jacket sleeves to embody the wind. To live and embrace what she thinks is the best the city could offer: chilly wind and blue sky. But that’s about it.

In this city, black, yellow, brown, white, hippies, geeky, transsexuals, music producers, poets, all live together. One MUNI train could offer the one-color-at-a-time human chain: white enters and as white leaves, yellow and black comes in. As yellow leaves, MUNI is all black. If the train runs at 7pm, when the blue sky is substituted by somber streets with hardly any street lights, everything around her would be black. There would be voices singing raps, a young girl calling her mom for directions to get out of the train, and smirks guys exchange with each other that she never understands. The train goes from North to South and hence the order of the colors. She hopes it would be because of just her own xenophobia and the differences are just in one’s mind. Her white friends do not know this part of town exists. Her yellow friends empathize that the area is dangerous. Familiarity with the urban scene, Paris, London, Hong Kong, Saigon, New York, can’t help her avoid uneasiness.

She has friends living in the city, those from the most coveted schools in the country. They live with housemates, girlfriend and boyfriend, chasing not their dreams, but their independence and freedom.  They put up with the cold, the wind, the MUNI color changes, to join packs of others in the city. In fact, few take the MUNI at all.

All want to explore, although a few know what they are searching for. Many don’t want to miss out a once-of-a-lifetime youth to live free and lively in the city and in the Bay. Like them, she loves lounges, bars, Italian restaurants, French cafes, old bookstores, and the AT&T baseball games. She would drive down to see Halfmoon Bay and check out Monterey. The spiky dark green pine trees, lazy light green fields, heavy broad high mountains, and flashy ocean waves of the Bay never fail to let her down – like the chilly wind, it refreshes her face and her skin.

She does not really like her landlord, and rarely sees her housemate, who works for a hedge fund. She remembers that he’s really smart, the latest memory she has of him. None of her friends has a particular attachment to the city, and they still enjoy life. One occupies his thoughts in philosophy and theology, resisting to date as he would later leave for home. Another is fully consumed by work and boyfriend, living and changing life along regions in the U.S. every few months. Her sorority draw-mate can never be sure how long she can keep dating the same person. Life in the city strolls. Attachment is taboo. Exploration is important. Apathy to the MUNI is convenient and sometimes, necessary.

-        -  I’m going back to Cambodia.

-        -  What?

-        - Yeah, I can’t stand life here without family. It gets lonely. And I’m getting married.

She was shocked by his statements. 1.5 year out of school, 1 month knowing the now-fiancee. And yet, she’s happy for him.  Three years ago, the fiancee’s parents gave a profile of someone they thought would be compatible with her. She didn’t like his name and dropped the profile. Three years later, they met on their own through a mutual friend. He may have found what he’s been searching for.  Time in the city may just be necessary to run until the true treasure comes. Having the treasure refresh his soul and heart, he now could leave the chilly wind that refreshes his face and skin.

-        -  I don’t really want to stay at this consulting job but I love my community in the city.

-         - What community? – she asks for more details while enjoying her exquisite Italian crabs and clams, reaching out to her nerves, demanding them to think about “community”

-         - Yes, I counsel drug addicts every weekend. A group of us take class on psychology and counseling.

It’s odd to her that her friend who for sure goes home in 3 years makes the efforts to build a community beyond his social sphere. Why should he care about a community that in the long term, he will not really have a stake in. How many of him are there?

What does it mean to be free? Is the pursuit of freedom the same with pursuit of dreams? Is the pursuit of dreams the same with realizing, making and remaking, and living dreams every day? What does it mean to enjoy life? While knowing that figuring out the answers to these questions is the very reason why her friends and she live in the city, she knows her values are neither in independence nor exploration. She likes being well-grounded, living passionately for others and for a community she loves. In that sense, to be free is not like to be like bubbles floating and birds flying. It’s more like leaves budding high from deep roots.  When there are lots of them, shades will form. Fresh, light, green, peace. But trees can’t move.

-          

      - Yeah, I think I could be a tree to see how things have changed over time – her friend said to her.

-         - This lake is gorgeous. Maybe I could be a lake. It moves, but still attached to a certain region only. It cleanses and refreshes but not too intimidating. It runs deep. 

San Francisco

I miss Paris.

Through San Francisco. 

The subway street bands. 

The delicate buildings. 

The confusing transportation. 

The lost feeling. 

We all have many dreams. But only one dream at a time could roll live. 

We all have many edges. To protect. To take back trust. To stop mind-sharing. 

The Social Network and how Hollywood fails

The depiction of the startup life in The Social Network falls far under my expectations.  The story is too dramatized to the point that it looked obviously... exaggerated.  I could empathize with why certain decisions are triggered out of emotional anger and childishness.  I could make sense of the tension between the investors, or between the co-founders.  What I didn't get is the portrait of the main character as a person driven only by his own ideals and anger.  Perhaps, this is because the author of the story this movie is based out of never actually heard the story from the other side.  Also, girls are portrayed as completely useless throughout the whole movie +_+

One thing though, Wall Street is about people wanting to win the game.  Silicon Valley in this movie is also about people wanting the power, to be the people for the next big things.  It certainly makes sense but these Hollywood people totally lose the point.  It's that these people choose to be in the ride.  Neither of the two movies successfully portrays enough what keeps people up at night, what they are truly passionate about.   Excitement about the future ALONE can never be enough.  These movies fail to deliver a sense of happiness of the journey.  

Meteor Shower

Last week, I ran away. Surfing through the names that walked by my life 5 years ago, I can't help but feeling like I'm the only one who hasn't really left the last step as I'm still getting all the thrill and adrenaline rush for the college admissions seasons. During the past one year, it is true that I met a countless number of wonderful people, dazzled through a bunch of risks, and took into myself a tremendous amount of pressure.  I was never in finance but this amount of stress was more than consulting in Singapore and much more than my previous investment post in Vietnam.

One young girl kindly told me: Poor you that you have to be here - I pity you so much for that. Walls of expectations and worries have been what I burst into.  Ironically, I have nothing of my own to burst into; only expectations and worries from others stress me out and everytime I clashed with them, it hurt that I allowed myself to clash.  My expectation has been to always meet or surpass others' expectations.

Yet, the highest moments I've received are those of achievements.  It's those times when you feel temporarily satisfied, before quickly checking in with your gut about the "So what's next" question.  What I'm really dreaming for are moments of happiness.  It's when there's no sense of time and of self.  It's when there's no What's next, only now.  For that, I've been chasing after things that I thought would be stable and reliable in both positive and destructive ways.  There was only one short moment when I, by chance, stumbled upon something very similar to what I've always been looking for.

As the next meteor shower comes, may my wish come true.  May my new year resolution be that to make myself happy, not to meet others' expectations.

Would this mean I need to be by myself for a short while, to have all the freedom, no obligations of expectations, all over again?  Luckily, the holiday is coming.