The Social Network and how Hollywood fails

The depiction of the startup life in The Social Network falls far under my expectations.  The story is too dramatized to the point that it looked obviously... exaggerated.  I could empathize with why certain decisions are triggered out of emotional anger and childishness.  I could make sense of the tension between the investors, or between the co-founders.  What I didn't get is the portrait of the main character as a person driven only by his own ideals and anger.  Perhaps, this is because the author of the story this movie is based out of never actually heard the story from the other side.  Also, girls are portrayed as completely useless throughout the whole movie +_+

One thing though, Wall Street is about people wanting to win the game.  Silicon Valley in this movie is also about people wanting the power, to be the people for the next big things.  It certainly makes sense but these Hollywood people totally lose the point.  It's that these people choose to be in the ride.  Neither of the two movies successfully portrays enough what keeps people up at night, what they are truly passionate about.   Excitement about the future ALONE can never be enough.  These movies fail to deliver a sense of happiness of the journey.  

Meteor Shower

Last week, I ran away. Surfing through the names that walked by my life 5 years ago, I can't help but feeling like I'm the only one who hasn't really left the last step as I'm still getting all the thrill and adrenaline rush for the college admissions seasons. During the past one year, it is true that I met a countless number of wonderful people, dazzled through a bunch of risks, and took into myself a tremendous amount of pressure.  I was never in finance but this amount of stress was more than consulting in Singapore and much more than my previous investment post in Vietnam.

One young girl kindly told me: Poor you that you have to be here - I pity you so much for that. Walls of expectations and worries have been what I burst into.  Ironically, I have nothing of my own to burst into; only expectations and worries from others stress me out and everytime I clashed with them, it hurt that I allowed myself to clash.  My expectation has been to always meet or surpass others' expectations.

Yet, the highest moments I've received are those of achievements.  It's those times when you feel temporarily satisfied, before quickly checking in with your gut about the "So what's next" question.  What I'm really dreaming for are moments of happiness.  It's when there's no sense of time and of self.  It's when there's no What's next, only now.  For that, I've been chasing after things that I thought would be stable and reliable in both positive and destructive ways.  There was only one short moment when I, by chance, stumbled upon something very similar to what I've always been looking for.

As the next meteor shower comes, may my wish come true.  May my new year resolution be that to make myself happy, not to meet others' expectations.

Would this mean I need to be by myself for a short while, to have all the freedom, no obligations of expectations, all over again?  Luckily, the holiday is coming.

4am delirious talk

Thanks to a frustration missed call at midnight and another frustration chat, I'm so awake at 4am now :( Nothing much to reflect on.. Except that innovations in the U.S. have been about technology that satisfies instant gratification (Facebook, Twitter and the like), whereas *new * innovative services from China/ India, except those who imitate the Western models, also consisted of those * gurus * industries, things that help one * feel * happier and less stressed.

When I applied, I knew I would be extremely happy and would make the most out of it even if I had to study in Singapore.  It's not about being competitive and getting so fixated on a certain goal;  but being open-minded to what life brings to us when we have tried our best.  There's no best cards out there; just how we play the cards :D (copied from somewhere...)

I don't really get what happened with the Water Festival in Cambodia :(

A pocket full of sunshine :)

Thanks to a friend who reminded me of how happiness stays with being true to oneself.  I thought volunteering in a new land with my crush would make me really happy.  Now when I look back, it was more the process and the people I met there that made the experience worthwhile and made it "me"; in other words, I was happy and am now happy of that experience for the very act of volunteering and venturing.  I thought exploring the world with someone special would bring me happiness.  The company matters, but it's the very fact of being able to explore and live the wonderful cities that is now kept in pieces of my heart.

~~ till that day when someone can really get my quirks and my love for ideas, people, and story-making-and-telling :)

Cities

Today, I put myself into pages of Paris pictures from the guidebook passed to me on the very first day I was there.  I never read it when in Paris.  Now while I was looking at all the beautiful pictures of the city's architecture, its famous cafes, its chateaux (hotels), its gardens and flashback on the time I was at the banlieue (suburban) hotzone of Paris, it just dawns on me that the beauty of cities is cruelly similar.

IN PARIS There, at the banlieue, low-income immigrants live.  There, people asked me to be careful of gunpoints.  There, I found not crepe, nor madeleine, nor cheese, but Turkish kebab and Chinese rice.  There, children need tutoring to be able to read.  I regret coming there only once, too busy with my life to ever come back to tutor, too busy with my life to ever think tutoring worths my time.

IN SINGAPORE There, lychee martini and rooftop indoors golf are weekend popular hangout spots.  There, beautiful Christmas trees with zillions of flashing lights, gleaming its beauty on Orchard.  But there, hawker centers, chinatown stalls.  And there, poor elderly are abandoned; teenagers not giving a second chance to try harder, better.

IN PALO ALTO There, wine tasting rooms are packed.  Cool cafes and frozen yogurt and tea are for local entrepreneurs. Food of the world is just by doorsteps.  But there, homeless people, East Palo Alto where children don't speak English.  But there, late nights back on the train left one with a sense of insecurity and of an isolated land.

In high school, we were taught that there would be some ways to create a better world - going to college will help us answer that question.  In college, we were taught that we could create a better world - having a passion and pursuing it after college will do.  After college, when there's no teachers around to instill hope and idealism, we taught ourselves that our world can't be much better, at least in the short term.  Is it true?  Or are we still shaping the future?

Tonic

Cô mặc áo đỏ. Quán cũng đỏ. Ghế cũng đỏ. Cô ngồi như chìm vào.  

Nhìn ra ngoài, khách sạn Rex trắng, trắng màu vôi. Đằng xa bên phải là một dãy nhà cũ kế bên ủy ban thành phố. Nhà cũ từ xưa, có lẽ là thời Pháp. Màu tôn cũ, nâu rỉ sét, giăng đây đó mấy bộ quần áo người ta phơi đồ.  Tonic đắng. Pha muối hay chanh vào trước? 
 

Từ hướng cô, nhìn về ủy ban, mấy con chim bay loạn lạc. Bay rối rít. Nhiều lắm. Con nào cũng nhỏ. Nhưng không bay thành đàn ngay ngắn như người ta vẫn nói trong truyện về đàn én bay lượn. Tự ngẫm mấy con chim này đang bay về đâu và có biết hướng nó đang bay hay không, hay đơn thuần chỉ là đang đùa giỡn và mua vui với trời, với gió, với nhà, với Rex. Thương lắm.

Những giấc mơ

Lẽ đời, mơ thường không thật.  Mơ huyền ảo, mơ huyễn hoặc.  Khi tỉnh giấc, mơ còn có chăng chỉ là một cung bậc cảm xúc đâu đó còn đọng lại, nhưng trong phút chốc, lại vuột bay đi.  

Ở trong không gian phòng đầy màu đỏ này, mơ lại rất thật.  Hình ảnh vẫn rất ảo.  Mơ là một miếng băng cá nhân vào đầu gối đang còn chảy máu.  Mơ là một cuộc bỏ chạy, là hình ảnh co ro trong một góc tối.  Mơ là những cuộc đối thoại không bắt đầu, chẳng kết thúc, là những âm thanh mơ hồ. Nhưng rồi, mơ thật vì những nhân vật trong mơ; và vì mơ là một buổi ăn, một đĩa rau, đầy màu sắc, như gió nhẹ.  Đến và đi, như thật.  Khóc và hạnh phúc, như thật.